Amy Poehler and Kathryn Hahn on Female Friendships

I’m not proud to admit it, but I’ve always been absolutely terrified of aging. For as long as I can remember, every birthday has followed the same pattern: a month of anxiety leading up to the actual date, crying at least twice on the day, and a sigh of relief once it’s over. It’s not the looming promise of wrinkles and back pain that sends my heart racing, it’s the change I know every year brings. Jobs shift, families move, and life can feel like a never-ending cycle of losing your balance just as you’ve found it again, something that only happens more often as we age.

But on a recent episode of Good Hang, Amy Poehler and Kathryn Hahn might have single-handedly cured my deep fear of aging with one reminder: throughout the chaos of life, there’s one relationship that offers a level of support and comfort no others can recreate—female friendships.

It may seem like a simple idea. I mean, of course, friendships are valuable, and I’ve always prioritized nourishing mine. But I’m also 23, so right now, I have plenty of time to do that. I haven’t reached the stages of life where friends get married, have children, and no longer have the time or capacity to dedicate to friendships the way they once did. So, a secret part of me has always feared there’s an invisible countdown ticking closer to zero every day—when the timer runs out, my friends and I will be so caught up in our own lives that our relationships get pushed to the back burner.

But hearing Amy and Kathryn emphasize the importance of female friendships as you age was exactly the reassurance I didn’t know I needed. They reminded me that with all the changes life throws your way, friendship not only can, but should be, a constant pillar of support. On the podcast, they cackled while reminiscing about their days on the Parks and Recreation set, but they also talked about how they’ve been “through the trenches together,” jumped through hoops to stay connected, and how ultimately, it’s those tough times and moments of raw honesty that have truly strengthened their relationship to what it is now.

These are the types of friends who can tell something is wrong with a mere look, and can solve pretty much all of those problems over a glass of wine together. The shared history of navigating this world as a woman, taking care of those around you, and juggling a million different expectations every single day means you can be brutally honest, knowing that even if the person on the other side hasn’t experienced what you have, they’ll still just get it. “To walk into these next chapters together, it feels like it’s not as terrifying,” Kathryn said.

“Women are the ones who will understand what you’ve been through, relate to you in ways men could only dream of, and stand by you through all the complexities of aging.”

Amy also pointed out that female friendships are often who you’re left with, other than siblings, at the end of your life. Maintaining and building true, genuine friendships that can withstand any phase, change, or decade is the key to aging without anxiety. The reality is we can’t stop time or avoid change, but we can choose who is in our corner when we experience these things, and that tiny bit of control can make a significant difference. When parents get sick, layoffs happen, or a relationship ends, female friendships will be a constant anchor, no matter what uncertainty life brings.

Women are the ones who will understand what you’ve been through, relate to you in ways men could only dream of, and stand by you through all the complexities of aging. “I think with my dearest women friends, of which there are very few, that that is such a source of comfort—to be heard by another woman. Without judgment, without anything, but just love,” said Kathryn.

They acknowledge that these relationships aren’t easy to maintain, and Kathryn even admitted that the number of real, deep female friendships she has is fewer than she expected when she was younger. But just because they require effort doesn’t mean they aren’t important. In fact, it’s that very effort that can set them apart from other relationships. She said it’s crucial to have women in your life who aren’t family, with whom you can be completely real. People you don’t have to put on a front for. People you can just be with. Female friendships have an emotional intimacy and level of recognition unlike any other relationship.

“Female friendships will be a constant anchor, no matter what uncertainty life brings.”

If you’re reading this and wish you had these kinds of female friendships, don’t worry; it’s never too late to make them. We typically categorize friends by when we met them: childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, your partner’s friends, and mom friends, with the vast majority of those categories happening before 40. But as Amy put it, “You never know who you have yet to meet.” She and Kathryn didn’t meet until their 40s and had no clue their friendship would evolve into what it is now.

Even if you already have the best girl group since the Spice Girls, the idea that there are people you’ll one day grow to love and cherish just as much as your current closest friends, and you haven’t even met them yet, is incredibly encouraging. Never close yourself off from new friendships. Friends aren’t a finite resource, and as you enter new seasons of life, someone may appear and spark a relationship you’ll treasure forever.

Only time will tell if my birthday this year brings yet another existential crisis about aging. I know now that because of the female friendships in my life, the uncertainties aren’t quite so scary. A single meme in the group chat can soften the hardest day. And no matter what my life looks like when I’m 80, as long as I have my besties with me in the retirement home, gossiping over bridge and bingo, I’ll be thriving.