Are you an aging lady?
Who is done with everyone’s bull?
And simultaneously wants to have more of a positive outlook on your life?
Well, have I got a gratitude journal for you.
It’s built on a model I’ve been using myself for years, and it’s had a huge impact on my life. I’m going to give you a little backstory first, but if you just want to get the thing, it’s ready and waiting for you.
The backstory: All the hope in the world lies waiting in yourself.
In the baby days of the pandemic, I met up with friends on Zoom. It was weird. But it was good
to see everyone.
Just a few weeks into these Zoom calls, one of our more optimistic friends deigned ask,
“I know all this sucks, but what are we grateful for?”
TOO SOON.
We both said it in unison and with love in our hearts. But you get the conceit she was going for,
right?
The one that says that even in the darkest of situations, we can find things to be grateful for?
After all, the greatest treasures are found in the deepest mines. The test, then, was to alchemize
tragedy into gratitude.
It was at least day 21 of our 14-day quarantine. We all wanted to go outside, but we were afraid
we’d end up killing ourselves or someone we loved if we did. And that concern was valid –
multitudes of our loved ones did indeed leave us over the coming months and years. That was a
real thing that happened en masse.
She was trying to keep everyone’s spirits up. It was a valiant endeavor. We appreciated her for it.
But at that point, nothing about the coming storm of mass death seemed like anything we were
required to feel grateful for. We simply weren’t ready.
I’ve gotta tell you. Those weeks turned into months. For some, months turned into years. I kept my daily gratitude journal out of habit. I’m glad I did. Because, man, those mine shafts were deep.
While I kept the journal out of both habit and necessity, I still struggled to find gratitude in the
circumstances. I could be appreciative of little rays of light in between the brewing clouds, but
overall I was still unhappy about the never ending storm. There was no redeeming quality that
came along with it.
Get Snoop Dogg with your gratitude
Except there was. It took me a while to see it, but it was there.
Some number of years ago, I started adding a second column to my daily gratitude journal. The
first one was for all the external things in my life I was grateful for.
Things like shelter.
Food.
Family.
Friends.
Little moments of joy.
But the second column?
That’s where I get all Snoop Dogg and write down three things that made me grateful to myself. It can be for big things you’ve achieved. But it can also be for little things, like, ‘I’m grateful I gave myself a break,’ or ‘I’m grateful I actually remembered that thing on my grocery list.’
A couple years into the mess, I realized that there were indeed jewels in the dark. There were
lessons I had learned. To this day, I will tell you that regardless of what I learned, I am not
grateful for the circumstances that prodded these lessons. But the ways in which I allowed
myself to change and compelled myself to adapt because of them?
Those I am grateful for.
Sure, I messed up plenty of times. I didn’t do it all perfectly or gracefully. I continue to not do it
all perfectly or gracefully.
But I could have gone through all the same circumstances and not changed or grown at all. I
could have not pursued beautiful moments simply because they sometimes felt so few and far
between. I could have easily lost so much more.
So to answer my friend’s question all these years later, the thing I am grateful for in the midst of
that pandemic is myself.
An experiment in manifestation
During those challenging years, my goals were very clear — largely dictated by outside circumstances. Today, I simultaneously find myself with goals in my life that are concrete and wants that are a little more nebulous.
I’m at an age where I’ve deconstructed a lot of the reasons I’ve not pursued my own ‘wants’ in the past.
They might make me feel selfish.
I might feel that even wanting them makes me undeserving of them.
They might be ‘too ambitious.’
For me, I’ve realized that these reasonings have been ingrained in me from a young age, and that I’m not unique in that rite. While they come from many different constructions of my identity, one of the most unifying themes I’ve been able to put my finger on is that I’ve been told these things because I’m a woman.
And I’m done with that mess.
I’ve decided I’m a decent-enough person that wanting certain outcomes for myself isn’t grossly indulgent. I don’t have to live at the altar of self-sacrifice. I don’t have to dampen my own ambitions in order to uplift others.
In fact, the people I surround myself with are much better off when I allow myself to pursue those ‘wants’ compared to those times when I deprioritize myself.
So I’ve started a new little experiment within my gratitude journal. I’ve added a ‘wants’ column. And I add three things to it everyday.
Sometimes they’re novel.
Sometimes they’re the same thing on repeat.
I don’t expect to get every last one of them. We can’t always get what we want, and I do still believe that is a part of life.
But I am interested to see if the act of writing them down — of allowing myself to have wants in the first place — will do any type of manifesting. Whether that’s by an act of magic or simply by nature of reinforcing them to myself enough to keep them at center.
I’ll keep you posted on the results.
Things I don’t care about
When I was younger, my friends used to tell me hitting 40 was liberating.
And let me tell you: As I approached that milestone, I realized they were right.
I don’t know if it’s a magic number. I don’t know if it’s the life stage you hit as a woman around this time. But there’s a great video on the lifestage here.
Regardless of why this happens, there are so many things I simply don’t have time for anymore.
And I don’t feel bad about it.
I’ve got really big demands in my life. I have limited room on my calendar. My emotional bandwidth is finite, too. My plate is already full.
Things I don’t care about or that are not adding value to my life have to go.
So now there’s a big fat ‘NO‘ column in my gratitude journal.
It’s there to remind me that I’m not obligated to include these things in my future just because they’re attempting to demand my attention in the present.
Get your Gratitude Journal for Women of a Certain Age
This handy little tool has been so helpful in my life, I wanted to share it with you.
Whether you want to:
- Breed more optimism in challenging times through gratitude.
- Experiment with manifesting your wants.
- Reinforce all the drama you don’t want in your space anymore.
- Or, all of the above.
How to use the Gratitude Journal for Women of a Certain Age
I think you’ll find that the Gratitude Journal for Women of a Certain Age is pretty self-explanatory. But here are some extra tips.
Log your gratitude at the end of the day
I used to write down my three things in the morning before the day got started. But I noticed I
wasn’t getting the effects I was hoping for.
Someone suggested I start writing them down in the evening, before I went to bed. The idea was, that way I’d be keeping an eye out for them all day. Not only would my journaling sessions be easier, but I’d also be more likely to appreciate the good moments as they were happening rather than in retrospect.
That worked wonders.
The three things everyday
You’ll notice that there’s nearly a years’ worth of pages to write down three things every single day. Those three things are:
- 3 external things you’re grateful for
- 3 things you’re grateful to yourself for
- 3 things you want in your life
Do that.
If you really want to alchemize the gratitude, one thing I do at the end of every year is get super nerdy and take things a step further. I go through the journal. Circle line items that popped up over and over again. I also circle the happy moments that felt particularly huge, even if they only made it onto the list once.
Once I’ve got my “best of” list ready, I turn the whole thing into an art project. Like a reverse vision board to capture the highlights of the year I just lived.
It doesn’t solve all woes, but it can help you rewrite the narrative — especially after a really rough one.
Like, yes, that might have been hard.
But also, look at how awesome you were through it.
Why is the ‘NO’ column at the end?
The ‘NO’ column is an integral part of the practice.
But I originally started the whole gratitude journal thing to give myself a little more positivity.
So while I don’t think that saying ‘No,’ to things inherently breeds negativity and can even be a powerful exercise, maybe it’s not the best thing to be listing out three things that annoy you each and every single day.
They’re still important. As they pop up in your life, flip to the ‘No’ pages at the end of the journal and log them. When you need to remind yourself to draw that line, flip to the back and read that ish out loud with your whole chest.
But that’s why they’re at the back. To keep the positive spaces super positive while still allowing room to voice your ‘dislikes.’
You are your own blessing
Sometimes, you are your own blessing. Those words can feel like lip service. They can feel like
even more pressure when we already carry so much on our shoulders.
But I hope that sometimes they also feel like empowerment. I hope they feel like confidence.
And I hope you can start recognizing yourself for the amazing person you are – even when
you’re doing it under adverse circumstances.