Thinking about a gray divorce? You’re not alone. Here’s how to protect your finances, your future, and your peace of mind.
Thinking about a gray divorce? You aren’t alone. We are in the midst of a “gray divorce” spike. A study published in The Journal of Gerontology found that 36% of adults in the US going through a divorce were 50 or older. But divorce at midlife or later is very different than in your 30s or 40s. There’s more at stake financially—retirement accounts, property, even frequent flyer miles and streaming passwords—and the emotional cost can be just as complex.
This week on the HerMoney podcast, Jean Chatzky is joined by Erin Levine. Erin is a lawyer-turned-legal-tech-founder who created Hello Divorce, an online platform that brings together legal tools, financial transparency, and emotional support to help people move through divorce with clarity and control. She shares the most common (and the most costly) financial mistakes people make when going through a gray divorce and how to avoid them.
Can You Really Afford A Gray Divorce?
Jean Chatzky: How do you know if you can actually afford to get divorced at this stage of life? Quite frankly, I know some couples that have stayed together because they don’t feel like they can afford to both live as well apart as they’re living together.
Erin Levine: You won’t be able to live as well. Nobody comes out of a divorce unscathed. The question you ask yourself is, ‘Can I afford not to divorce? What does my life look like?’ We need to think about, ‘What will my life look like going forward? Am I celebrated for who I am? Can I live my best life? Is there financial or emotional abuse happening?’
Erin Levine: So, what would it look like to delay your divorce? Because I can tell you this, over 10,000 people have divorced using the Hello Divorce platform. Over 50% of them were over the age of 45, and not one of them said, “Gosh, I wish I were still married to my spouse.”
Take Inventory Of Everything
Jean Chatzky: When it comes to things like retirement accounts, like pets, like kids, and the house, what advice do you give people for getting ahead of the drama?
Erin Levine: I want everyone to take an inventory to think about anything that could possibly have value. And anything that you can possibly have a share in, you don’t need to know yet. You don’t need to know the value. You don’t necessarily need to understand how it will be divided or what your share is, or even understand the type of asset. All you want to start with is putting together a list of everything that you possibly can think of that might have value.
Erin Levine: The next step would be to meet with a certified divorce financial analyst. Somebody who is really focused on finding all the assets, valuing the assets, taking a look to see where things might be missing or hidden, and helping you move through each of these items.
Final Thoughts: Preserve Your Power, Protect Your Peace
Jean Chatzky: When we hear about expensive divorces, what’s usually the cause? Is it insane attorney’s fees, or is it that people just can’t agree on things? What’s the best way to minimize the cost?
Erin Levine: How you start your divorce lays the foundation for everything that comes after. We feel like we have to lawyer up with the most aggressive attorney in town because we have to make decisions right now. Our fear gets in the way, overwhelm, shame, all of those kinds of things. So the best thing you can do is remind yourself that unless there’s an emergency, you are going to have plenty of time to make decisions that are well thought out, that you have advice on.
Erin Levine: Take a step back, take a big, deep breath, and understand that if you want a long, messy, expensive divorce, that’s what lawyers are there for, but you really can be mindful about the process and be transparent with your spouse on how you intend to move through it, and it changes everything. It doesn’t mean there’s no conflict; there’s always going to be conflict in divorce. That’s just how it is. But it also means that you can get through this process without blowing it up.
Get 10% off any legal plan or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) service at Hello Divorce. Visit HelloDivorce.com/hermoney and use code HerMoney at checkout.
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